i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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