Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
