i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
