i barfeds in our rink
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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