So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
