the condom got lost in my hair
how do flat chested girls get laid?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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