apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
