you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
