I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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