I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
