I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
