I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
