I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
