No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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