Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
