i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
