You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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