I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
