I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
