I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
