Is it because I queefed?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
