I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
