Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
