Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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