remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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