Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
