id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
