She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
