I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
