the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
