He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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