I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
