And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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