why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
