It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize