U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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