dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
