I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
