Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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