I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
