Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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