I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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