how can u be prego again
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
