i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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