Umm I'm too high to move.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
