I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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