Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
