I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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