I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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