Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
