I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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