bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
