Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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