And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish you could order shots online.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
