but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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