worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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