11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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