I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
