i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
