Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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