Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house