Texts From Last Night

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  (386): View more from Florida

  I wanna passion pit in your ass

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  (386): I wanna passion pit in your ass http://tfl.nu/pjsj
  Replies (27) Good night (615) Bad night (1683) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  but fathers day is next sunday

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet

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  (781): i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day (617): but fathers day is next sunday (781): i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet http://tfl.nu/pxvx
  Replies (14) Good night (754) Bad night (4178)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape

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  (617): May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape http://tfl.nu/qfom
  Replies (12) Good night (4077) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs

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  (864): he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple (404): i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs http://tfl.nu/jk32
  Replies (19) Good night (713) Bad night (3281)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?

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  (443): Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here? http://tfl.nu/y0ko
  Replies (7) Good night (2909) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight

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  (408): i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight http://tfl.nu/uzvu
  Replies (19) Good night (3947) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...

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  (215): It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away... http://tfl.nu/zf28
  Replies (10) Good night (2975) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.

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  (206): No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding. http://tfl.nu/7yg0
  Replies (14) Good night (3412) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
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  (333): View more from

  im calling her cock vulture from now on

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  (333): im calling her cock vulture from now on http://tfl.nu/4dmx
  Replies (28) Good night (2700) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.

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  (919): Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice. http://tfl.nu/je3x
  Replies (5) Good night (2906) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
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  (432): View more from Texas

  I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?

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  (432): I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good? http://tfl.nu/n0mc
  Replies (12) Good night (659) Bad night (3689)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?

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  (520): Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago? http://tfl.nu/8k0d
  Replies (8) Good night (931) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?

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  (361): Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life? http://tfl.nu/01wo
  Replies (7) Good night (1028) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant

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  (702): The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant http://tfl.nu/bd42
  Replies (9) Good night (925) Bad night (533)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...

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  (302): OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but... http://tfl.nu/stjw
  Replies (6) Good night (691) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt

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