dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
