That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My brain says no but my pants say off.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dating After Heartbreak
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof