ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes