my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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