one might say we're banned from that church
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
