Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
