I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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