We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
