i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
