He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
