i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
