Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize