I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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