The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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