If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
