if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
