fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
