Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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