I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
