Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
not ubering you a puppy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
