so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.