those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...