bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.