Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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