then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome