There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots