Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
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Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS